Episode 027: Homestuck

''This week, Nick and Griffin are set upon by two special guests: a man with a drill and an audio engineer. They do eventually make some games, though, including a No Man's Sky / Crazy Taxi hybrid, an MGS2 skateboarding role reversal, a game based on Griffin's intepretation of JoJo's Bizarre Adventure, and finally, a game set to revolutionize the survival game genre.''

Introduction
Griffin admits that he may be operating in a weird recording environment as he is having a new cupboard fitted and would be embarrassed to loudly make jokes about vore and yiffing with a contractor in his house. Nick claims to have hired an audio engineer from the M for M section on Craigslist. Sabotage Rally was extremely popular, having outsold Burnout Crash and selling a number of units on par with the rest of Coolgames Inc's games (i.e; at least 14 units). Nick and Griffin suggest rebranding Coolgames Inc's publishing arm and Griffin comes up with the name 'Greatgames Ltd'. Nick refers to an early Slack conversation and reveals several names considered for the podcast that were never used. When invited to choose an idea to start with, Griffin reveals that he has just liked a tweet of Nick's bringing him up to 1337 likes on twitter, "Like the internet joke". Nick suggests Griffin change his twitter name to reference 'All Your Base Are Belong To Us' from Zero Wing or 'The cake is a lie' from Portal, a game which Griffin claims to have never played.

This Week's Game
The player lives in Chicago during a particularly bad winter, during which the local Trader Joe's has collapsed. They are tasked with crafting items to avoid having to leave the house to satisfy needs, such as laundry, grocery shopping and basic hygiene. Houses are randomised each time and the player character's occupation will affect their ability to handle their situation at the start of the game. The player may also scan items from their real-life house into the game using the :CueCat barcode scanner (a home barcode scanner from the turn of the century) and/or load their own building's floor plan into the game.

The player must satisfy their basic needs: Hungy, Thirsty, Warmth, Fun, Sick, Stink, Fast, Small, Legs, Power, Good?, Stats and Hair. The player must nurture these need bars at all times in order to survive comfortably.

During the game, the player comes up with various 'crafting recipes' which allow them to prolong the amount of time they can survive without leaving their house (for example, diluting the last drop of shampoo in a bottle in order to continue using it for a few days). The player may also trade their limited supplies with other neighbour players, and attempt to use objects in ways other than their designed purpose, such as eating wall insulation to satisfy the player's hunger and making them warm, but draining all their other need bars in the process.

At some point during this long, lonely winter, the two thieves from Home Alone will try to break into the house and the player must use their remaining supplies to fend them off. The game counts down to this event from the beginning via a counter labelled 'Peschi + Stern'.

The endgame, which is set 90 days in, after the winter has passed, raises the question "Do you really want to leave the house now that you've managed to create your perfect little self-sustaining utopia?". Similar to Don't Starve, a later version of the game will offer the same game but as a co-operative experience.

Crazy Taxi Set In The No Man's Sky Universe
A game in which you fly around looking for plutonium and then have to quickly take passengers to a Pizza Hut several star systems away. The player can find deep space satellites shot from Earth, each of which contains a song from the Crazy Taxi soundtrack.

Subway Cars Filled With Procedurally Generated Weird People
Griffin complains that this is real life. Nick suggests that No Man's Sky is just real life. Griffin says he wants to find earth and claim America before anyone else, but doubts that there is even anyone else in the No Man's Sky universe. They then discuss whether or not No Man's Sky has multiplayer, and how weird and fascinating it is that there's no definitive official answer to this question. Nick said this was an interesting idea, but that by the fifth or sixth cart you'd have realised that the NPC that was eating his own hair was precisely the same character but with a different coloured shirt.

The Opposite Of The MGS2 Skateboarding Game Wherein Tony Hawk Must Sneak Into An Enemy Base
Tony Hawk must sneak into an enemy base, possibly Big Shell from Metal Gear Solid 2, which provides a large number of rails for the player to grind on. The player may dismount from the board at any time, like in Tony Hawk's Underground and its sequel. There would be a section of the game in which Tony Hawk's clothes are off, and if the player pays close attention to the animation, they may see what Nick describes as 'Tony Hawk's Pro Skater'. Bosses from Metal Gear Solid 2 also appear, but Tony must defeat them in his own way. The game shares the same licenced soundtrack as Crazy Taxi.

Whatever Griffin Thinks JoJo's Bizarre Adventure Is, Make That A Game
Very tall, handsome and powerful men have to use fashion to make their martial arts more powerful. Half of them are clowns, with the main antagonist being King Clown. JoJo is the hero, and the adventure they have been on is anything but ordinary. JoJo starts off as an unfashionable character until they are picked out of a crowd by Master Style because of their very good jawline, and is taught to fight with fashion. Each character has a power called a Magnifique that lets them do a special fashion manouvre. Characters are all named after mid 2000s pop stars who are having a resurgence today.

An Image Of A 'Large Flexing Arm'
Nick introduces Griffin to the 'Bad Dragon' product line.

A Tabletop Game That Secretly Is Just For Encouraging Players To Bring Free Snacks And Drinks To Your House
A skeletal tabletop game that either takes 8-12 hours to play (in order to encourage players to bring lots of snacks) or 8-12 minutes (in order to allow the host to kick the players out almost immediately, keeping the food.) Nick complains that board games have incredibly ugly boxes.

A Game Where You Are Trying To Figure Out What To Do When People Are Singing Happy Birthday To You
Not a game, but a genuinely good question. Griffin suggests singing along and turning to face somebody else in an attempt to confuse the group into singing for someone else.

A Time-Travelling Justin Timberlake Has To Bring Sexy Back In Every Era
A game in which Justin Timberlake travels through time being sexy. Particular points of interest include the 1940s, the Renaissance and the prehistoric era. At the end of the game, the changes he has made to the timeline result in everyone being Justin Timberlake, making Justin Timberlake truly average. The sequel is titled 'I'm Bringing Sexy Back To The Future'.

Make Your Own Lipgloss Simulator But The Only Options Are 'Poppin' or 'Cool' And The After That It's An Endless Runner Where You Run From The Boys
A reference to the Lil Mama song 'Lipgloss'.

TBH, I've Always Wanted To Play A Supermarket Simulator Where You Own A Fuckin' Supermarket And Gotta Make It Good
Griffin wished the swear wasn't in there. Was combined with ''What Will $5 Buy? Come To The Meat Department And Let Me Show You'' to form a simplistic game in which you build and run supermarkets that only sell four different products after which said stores are titled.

What Will $5 Buy? Come To The Meat Department And Let Me Show You
See TBH, I've Always Wanted To Play A Supermarket Simulator Where You Own A Fuckin' Supermarket And Gotta Make It Good.

Trivia

 * Unused titles for the podcast revealed in this episode include 'Video Game Dream Machine', 'Nick and Griffin's Interactive Delights', 'Nick and Griffin's Digital Bonanza', 'Narioware', 'GameBoyz Advice', 'Development Hell', 'Hitbox', 'Video Game Maker Boys', 'Nick and Griffin's Infinity Games', 'Nick and Griffin's Gameplan' along with a number of variations on CoolGames Inc (including 'CoolGames Realms', 'CoolGames Softworks' and 'CoolGames Vancouver'.)