Episode 031: Dr. Robotnik's Dinner Blasterz

We kick off October with a full-length eppy, which means it's time to grapple with some Halloween-themed Twitter display names, a Mary Berry weed review show, a Shenmue-style game set in an early-2000s gaming comic, and pinball with a hunk of raw meat.

Introduction
Griffin and Nick remember how the podcast works, following the previous week's minisode where they read out submissions from porn spambots for 15 minutes. Griffin agrees to never record four episodes in a row again, before announcing his paternity leave near the end of November 2016.

Nick provides a summary of the previous financial quarter: CoolGames Inc is entering Q4 off the tail-end of an exciting Q3 where a new format was explored. No new games were actually made, but a new in-app purchase for the podcast was conceived; the first 14 minutes of each episode are free, but the listener must pay $1.99 to not listen to Nick and Griffin reading out pormbots [sic]. This had a sell-through of zero. Nick suggests that they gave away too many minutes and should reduce the free sample to a 10 second video game joke.

Following a month's absence, Nick and Griffin have been deludged with submissions via Twitter. Griffin tells Nick that they have to figure out a better submission process.

This Episode's Game

 * DrRobotniksDinnerBlasterz.pngI know this'll be controversial: Pinball, but with raw meat. (submitted by CasualTim)

Dr. Robotnik's Dinner Blasterz is a pinball machine in which the pinball itself is made out of food. Each game costs $20 and consists of three rounds, representing appetizer, entrée, and dessert. The player picks what to cook in advance and the playfield changes between rounds depending on what was selected. The machine has a day-night cycle and will serve breakfast food in the morning. Dr. Robotnik is always at the back of the machine taunting the player; if the pinball hits him, he gets angry, steals some of the food and swallows it whole.

The first round is the appetizer round in which the pinball is made of carrot. If the player selected salad, the player must hit the Garden Zone to release lettuce and ranch dressing. If the player selected soup, the board is large pot of boiling water surrounded by toggles which release chicken, noodles, celery, chicken stock, oregano, and tomato paste into the pot when hit. In the morning, the pinball is a fragile egg.

In the second round, the pinball is a raw meatball which is cooked by a grill in the middle of the playfield. The player can release onion rings, individual peas, grains of rice, and kernels of corn pop out by hitting specific bumpers. Multiball releases 3 Swedish meatballs and rice grains are cooked within a smaller separate playfield. If the player picks Korean Barbecue, a normal pinball is used to knock meat around the grill instead.

At the end of each round, the player must eat whatever comes out of the machine, which has a camera on the front; if the machine doesn't see the player eat the food, it throws everything into a special garbage can which recycles the food back into the machine. The machine itself is made out of Gotham Steel for easy cleaning.

The soundtrack changes based on what is being cooked; for example, Barenaked Ladies plays during breakfast and K-pop plays during the KBBQ round.

Rejected titles include Food Blasterz Plus, Food Blasterz Crisis World, Food Blasterz Infinite Breakfast Panic, Food Blasterz Munch Machine, Dr. Robotnik's Mean Munch Machine, and Dr. Robotnik's Mean Bean Machine.

Great British *Bake*-Off
A TV show in which Mary Berry visits hydrolabs around the country and judges different strains of weed. Nick also proposes Mary Berry High, which is set in a high school where all the students smoke weed and are Mary Berry. (submitted by @fontiago)

Sorry Ladies, It's Easter Egg Time!
Based on an image submission of a male model wearing a yellow T-shirt with the above text. An online multiplayer game in which players must hunt for Easter Eggs while avoiding falling in love with each other. If players go on date and fall in love, they die of old age, filled with regret and surrounded by grandchildren on their death egg. Conversely, if they find all the eggs, they die alone.

Shenmue Set In The Universe Of An Early 2000s Gaming Webcomic
Nick reads out a random Ctrl+Alt+Del comic which makes a Halo 2 reference. Griffin advises against basing this game on Ctrl+Alt+Del since, financially speaking, they'd probably end up with a loss. (submitted by @barriertrio)

Whatever The Exact Opposite of Overwatch Is
A free-for-all where everybody plays one character with no butt cheeks, while being thoughtful about their team composition and willing to be a healer when needed. (submitted by @leafykayo)

Don't Torment Me
Based on an image submission of a store-brand imitation of Popomatic Trouble called 'don't torment me', with the tagline "the chasing game that really frustrates". A Rust clone which acts as a honeypot for griefers and bullies, thus preventing them from playing other games. The moveset is specifically designed for trolling other players, such as deleting structures with a click. (submitted by @Kpaxx)

I don't have a name but some kind of Richard Scarry racing game
An image submission of various Richard Scarry characters driving food-themed vehicles, one of which is a pig riding a hot dog. Essentially a kart racing adaptation of Cars, Trucks and Things That Go. The cars can be customized with spoilers and neon lights. (submitted by @ThatJuanReyes)

Wario Teaches Typing
Griffin and Nick agree that Wario wouldn't be a very good teacher, since it seems likely that he doesn't knows how to type (or use a computer) and wouldn't be able to resist making every single keystroke produce a fart noise. (submitted by @Cyber_dada)

I Love It When My Wife Lets Me Play The Banjo
A image submission of a sweater with the above text. Nick and Griffin discuss the home life of a man whose wife restricts him from playing the banjo (if at all).

competitive multiplayer game where kids have to gather resources to build up snowmen that fight the other team's snowmen
A non-violent team-based shooter with MOBA elements and South Park humor, set in a snow-covered basin. Snow is collected and used in making snowballs to throw at the other team, reinforcing the team's snow fort, and building snowmen which come to life and can be piloted. Each team has one sled that can be used to transport snow or several players at once. Characters can be customized with winter clothing and accessories, and include Boy Who Brought A Shovel From Home (who can build snowbanks for cover), Boy With A Garbage Bag (for carrying extra snow), Boy Who Is Supplying The Corncob Pipe And Button Nose And The Eyes Made Out Of Coal, Little Girl With A Dope-Ass Toboggan (which protects her from being headshot), and a poop. Kenny from South Park can be unlocked for $100. (submitted by @_hyperinuyasha)

Slim City
A city-building management game where, in contrast to SimTower (which featured a single skyscraper), an entire city is built vertically, including the roads. The player must balance the city to prevent it from falling down. (submitted by @tylermac)

West Virginia
A mod for Virginia which adds a man who looks at a pretty tree while eating a good pepperoni roll. (submitted by @gake_jyllenhaal)

Jet Grind Radio AR
"Draw graffiti over real life surfaces with smartphone touch screen to control territory." (submitted by @mpanighetti) The player must physically simulate the process of spray-painting by holding down the power button on their smartphone and moving the camera near the wall.

Trivia

 * Dr. Robotnik's Dinner Blasterz is named after Dr. Robotnik from The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog (a heavily-used source for YouTube Poops), and Dinner Blaster, one of the earliest and best-known YouTube Poops ever made.