Episode 025: Barber Art Online

''The gods of computing gobbled up last week's episode and destroyed it, so we're making up for it with an episode that's two times as good as normal. That means two times the jokes, two times the baby mattress reviews, two times the VR and 0 times the Pokemon Go discussion.''

Introduction
Griffin and Nick mourn the loss of the original Episode 25, which was not released as Nick's microphone cut out every four seconds during recording. They apologised for the lack of an Episode during the previous week and explained that they wouldn't release the unedited recordings as they weren't up to the same quality as the other episodes.

Nick said that a lot of the features of the previous game worked really good and that the downside was that there were no problems with it and it made every other game look bad. Griffin Googled what the game actually was, revealing it to be Spooky Sunday: An Ageplay Experience. Nick stood by his claims regardless.

This Week's Game
Based on an image submission which included a sign that stated 'Congratulations Michael on Winning An Award for Best Haircut for Men', Barbershop Online is a social VR barbershop game in which everybody plays as a barber. Players cut the hair of other players using motion tracking controllers, and are given a score for their abilities, which then is ranked on a leaderboard. Hair grows back in real time, so an inferior cut may be a lasting mark of shame.

Players each have their own barbershops, which can be fully customised, and players are encouraged to talk to their clients as they cut their hair. Real-life magazines are also available for players to read. Cutting another player's hair grants the player experience points, and they may also be paid in the game's currency, BarberBucks, which they can use to further customise their barbershop.The principal cast of the movie, Barbershop (Ice Cube, Anthony Anderson & Cedric The Entertainer) occasionally appear as bosses. Players are at risk of killing fellow players whilst cutting their hair, and whilst such an action would permanently kill the client's character, the irresponsible player would also be permanently banned from the game.

Barbershops can be customised with improved equipment and a further variety of hair dyes, or through specialisation into a specific style of cut or client, allowing players to build boutiques and salons, and to offer other features such as shaving, waxing and nails. They may also rent out part of their barbershops to other players who may wish to share in the increased footfall of a more prestigious boutique.

Separate servers for Role-playing, Min-maxing and 'foot people' are available.

Coloured Water Might Be Fine For Some, But We Chose To Use Actual Urine
Griffin explained that, as he and his wife are having a baby, he has been purchasing a large number of items in preparation and as such has been consulting reviews for those products. On one review for a baby mattress, he found the claim, 'Coloured water might be fine for some, but we chose to use actual urine'. Griffin suggested there should be ways to work this ethos into his own reviews.

Like Incubating An Egg In Pokémon Go, Except You Walk To Power A Night-light For A Real Life Child Who Is Afraid Of The Dark
A high stakes AR mobile game connected to a young child's night-light. A small microphone in the night-light allows the user to work out when the child has fallen asleep or if they are a horrible little monster that bullies their friends.

Holiday Rumble: Invent a New Holiday With Traditions/Foods. Vote Online For The Winner To Be Made Real
Instead of discussing a game, Nick and Griffin came up with the idea of Hedonism Wednesday (or possibly Pleasuretime), an August holiday which would would involve large quantities of food and alcohol. The host of the holiday party would be obliged to gift their guests themed costumes, which they would have to wear then and there. The event would be followed by what Griffin termed 'Hannukah Aftershocks', further days of gift giving and treats.

A Stealth Game Where You're An Introverted Teen And Your Parents Have Friends Over At Your House
A game in which you play as a teenager who needs to slip past their parents (who are talking about politics with their friends) in order to get string cheeses from the fridge. If one of your cruel guardians sees you, then you get punished.

For The 25th Episode Time To Go Back To The Beginning: Grandma Wants It Al Dente HD Remaster Featuring Cameos from other CGI games
A remaster of Grandma Wants It Al Dente, but with the added character of Greedy Grandpa, who dives into Grandma's gullet to steal the pasta, which is definitely not a vore thing.

Assemble The Best Change.org Petition Names So That People Will Be Compelled To Sign It
A collectible card game where the cards are different buzzwords. Players assemble the name of petitions out of your existing stack of cards. As the relevance of various issues rises and falls, the value of those cards changes also.

Banjo Kazooie, but Hyper-Realistic With No Connection Between The Bird And The Bear
Griffin and Nick discussed the logistics of getting the overly large bird into the bag, and the bag itself onto the bear. They also doubted the feasibility of the weaponised laying of eggs.

ChurchTwo
The sequel to Church. The Communion Wafers have chilli to dip them in, the communion wine is a banned energy drink, and the church celebrates the holiday of Hedonism Wednesday (aka Pleasuretime). The music is Karaoke and the hymn (and hyr) books are Kindles.

Trivia

 * This is the first episode of CoolGames Inc to be called after an unused name suggestion for the episode's main game (Barber Art Online), rather than the name which was actually used (Barbershop Online).
 * The lost episode (25a) apparently included Griffin yelling about Pokémon Go for 25 minutes.
 * This is the first episode of CoolGames Inc to be uploaded onto Art19. This was done so as to get all Vox Media podcasts in the same place . Despite this, the episodes will continue to be available on Soundcloud in the future as well.