Episode 009: Basketball Ignoring Simulator (feat. Tara Long)

''Augmented-reality Jumanji. Judge Judy and Executioner. Shadow of the Colossus, but with dunks. Tara Long guest stars.''

Introduction
Nick informs Griffin that he sounds nerdier, which is due to him wearing an Oculus headset like a Hellraiser paintbox. It turns out that Griffin got the headset 20 minutes before recording and he's trying it out.

Talking about last week's game, Nick reveals that the business model for Austin Powers was solid before Griffin brings up that Mike Meyers was not involved in the project. They invite two Mike Meyers onto the Skype call, who act in-character as Austin Powers and are very excited to lend their likeness.

This Episode's Game

 * Shadow of the Colossus with dunks. (submitted by Andy at the beach)

Come on and Slam: An Emotional Magical Johnson Interactive Jam is 90% Shadow of the Colossus, 10% NBA Jam. You play as a small basketball player called Very Magical Johnson, who sets out on his horse, Larrie Byrd, to dunk on all the Colossi - 95-foot tall goalposts, shaped like various animals and covered with moss - to wake up his wife from a coma inside Dick's Sporting Goods. Similar to Shadow of the Colossus, you must figure out various ways to climb onto the goalposts and get closer to their holes. When you dunk on them, the hole lights up with a beautiful pattern. Larrie Byrd can also transform into a bird to assist you in dunking that ball, although he stays stuck as a bird for over 20 minutes once he transforms.

The game is sponsored by Dick's Sporting Goods, from which additional basketballs and specially-modified balls can be purchased with microtransactions. The dynamic soundtrack comes from the Quad City DJs. The game is comprised almost entirely of skins, licenses, assets, and technology from Shadow of the Colossus and the NBA franchises.

When the game gets pitched to Tara Long, it eventually gets transformed into another game altogether. In Tara Long's Basketball Ignoring Simulator, you watch non-moving basketball players wearing jerseys as they sit on lawn chairs, holding basketballs and slowly-draining, non-drinkable glasses of iced tea and lemonade. Microtransactions allow the player to refill the glasses and to turn the breeze down. The previously-mentioned monsters can barely be seen in the far background. This game will be for the Oculus Rift.

Judge Judy and Executioner
Judge Judy is every part of the judicial system, including the titular executioner. (submitted by @TheMvchine)

An AR Board Game that Just Jumanjis Your Shit Right Up
A augmented reality board game, possibly using the Jumanji license, which is used to prank grandmas. Alternatively, hire a bunch of actors to act at your house or put some LSD in your grandma's tea. (submitted by @Gubbin1)

A VR game where you are blindfolded and have to do a series of mazes
A VR game where you're in a real maze and wearing a headset, where the mazes in-game align with the mazes in real life as the mazes continue to get more complex. The headset is the blindfold. (submitted by @timishiding

Take Off Your Fucking Shirt, It's Time to Fucking Jump-Rope
You boot up the game and put your shirt on the Portal of Power in order to play. (submitted by ross)

You play as a waitress at Applebee's and your flair gives you different powers
Griffin and Nick think that Paper Mario-style badges would be better for the consumer, such as a No Diarrhea Badge or a badge that makes the food taste better. (submitted by Brandon Dannenhoffer)

Dungeon Crawler: A baby raising simulator where your babies are dungeons
Raising dungeon babies, babies that grow into dungeons. Dungeon-babies have arms and legs. (submitted by @cornhime)

Memories of Butter
Based on an image submission of a tub labelled 'Memories of Butter'. A Japanese dating visual novel about a churnboy named Kai, featuring a churning minigame.

A Guy Screamed at Me on the Train This Morning, RPG of Why He Did That
A Fable-style RPG where all paths end at Train Guy screaming at Timi Shitting. (submitted by @timishiding)

Griffin McElroy's Shower Building Simulator
A game where a man is building a shower in your bathroom and it ruins that all the podcasts that you do for a fucking weekend. (submitted by Griffin McElroy)

No Time for Slime
Nick agrees. (submitted by @nckptmn)

Crying 2: Tears in Time
The sequel to the physical action of crying. Rejected as too ambitious. (submitted by Collin Scott)

'Rousing Ronda Rousey: Can you wake up the sleepy MMA fighter before her big match?
Griffin is uncomfortable with the idea of doing skinship with a real person who is not a Mario brother. (submitted by David S)

Trivia

 * This is the first episode featuring a photo submission (Memories of Butter). Every episode since has featured photo submissions.
 * Griffin is a fast reader, bringing it up due to a new suggestion coming in every time he finished reading one.
 * Candy Boys is a podcast that Griffin and Nick record on Thursdays. Episodes have yet to be released.